


Muster Forth, Monsanto Man

by John_Steiner



Series: Monsanto Man! [1]
Category: superhero comedy - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:33:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22504081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/John_Steiner/pseuds/John_Steiner
Summary: A titanic, rampaging, vaguely humanoid plant monster threatened to level the city. Yet, there is one superhero uniquely suited to save the day.
Series: Monsanto Man! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619119





	Muster Forth, Monsanto Man

The ground suddenly shakes, as I ride the bus to work. I'm in my secret identity as a landscaper, when I see the huge lumbering plant beast towering over the city skyline.

I declare for all to hear. "This looks like a job for Monsanto Man!"

"For what?" the man next to me on the bus blurts out.

Ignoring his confusion, I race to the front of the bus and rip open my shirt. "Excuse me, but my stop is here!"

"What's with the goofy comic book voice?" the driver says, his eyes still affixed to the monstrously sized humanoid weed.

Pulling out my spray bottles, I explain, "I knew these would come in handy one day!"

"Alright," he says, and pulls over to open the door without tearing his eyes away. "Do what you gotta do."

Running out of the bus, I rip my shirt completely off, and my physique expands to where my shoulders are twice as wide and my chin threefold larger. "Ah! That's better! Feeling my old self again!"

The titanic plant monster howls low and loud enough cars shake and windows shatter.

"Dastardly," I call out, looking at the other cars driving by in panic. "Did you hear such language? Foulmouthed floral fiend, I'll show you!"

I run up and start squirting from my spray bottles. "Taste a little Pfizer, you relentless roustabout!"

Because of my GMO strength, I can squeeze Roundup Herbicide a good football field's length or two. "Ah! Here's mud'n your eye, you beast!"

It starts to waver side to side, and then falls over onto its back. Hurriedly, while the news helicopters circle overhead, I leap atop the felled mountainous monster's chest. "Fear not, good citizens of this fair city! I have saved you once again!"

"Uh," an old woman coming out of hiding asks, "When was the first time?"

"That day I battled Festering Forget-me-nots," I declare proudly, and then realize, "Ohh, I see your point! That was one of their evil powers!"


End file.
